Out of Words

(Growing up and losing the ability to speak freely, be free, hurting people without meaning to and a wish for the heart to beat like it used to)

Once upon a time when I was free to fight

all of my battles without thinking twice.

I could see the grey between black and white,

now it's just what I think is right.

 

Once upon a time when I was free to fall

as many times and learn on my own.

Somewhere down the line, I stopped feeling tall,

now it’s like trying to get back at the world.

 

I've run out of words,

I'd never been the one to make it hurt.

I'm burnt out of worth,

I'd always been the one to make things work.

 

Once upon a time is where I want to be,

now I'm fractured philosophy.

If I ever smile, I’m brought to my knees;

the world is watching if I should ever speak.

 

I've run out of words,

I'd never been the one to make it hurt.

I'm burnt out of worth,

I'd always been the one to make things work.

 

Stone heart, will you take it slow?

Cold heart, will you cease the blows

and beat like you did?

 

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Blueberry Rum

(The one who got away, you let get away. The one you always wished stayed, the one you wished you could love the way they needed & wanted to be, the one you wished you could completely give in to - without your insecurities and notions in the way, the one you wanted to be brave for)
 

I was dancing through the night when

you asked me what I was drinking that night.

Blueberry rum- we'd never heard of such a thing,

who knew the hangover would last so many months.

 

I kept waiting for courage to show its face,

you kept yourself waiting for me to be strong.

Through all my conflicts & you witnessing me breaking down

I kept blaming me not knowing fully how you drowned.

 

And we don’t know how much we lose till we find ourselves and wear our true smiles that show who we are.

I regret not stepping up when I was so wanted, loved and so needed I kept nursing my scars.

You waited through all the seasons, we felt alone in spite of our love

And now you're gone I'm lonely, you were my best friend, my future I wrote in my poems of past.

 

I still love you, it’s hard to believe when

I never showed any reassurance to fight.

Blueberry rum- just a sip from my glass that night,

who knew we would be covered in my bribes and lies.

 

I still want to sing, dance and cuddle

while I go inward, our hands held on tight.

I have perspective now, I'm living in the moment how

you told me I should and I am bruising less already now.

 

And we don’t know how much we lose till we find ourselves and wear our true smiles that show who we are.

I regret not stepping up when I was so wanted, loved and so needed I kept nursing my scars.

You waited through all the seasons, we felt alone in spite of our love

And now you're gone I'm lonely, you were my best friend, my future I wrote in my poems of past.

 

I don’t wanna think of you slow dancing with somebody else.

I just wanna be the best version of my loving self (with you).

And I know, we can make it work, what better than our love and healed selves?

I am putting in the work, you’re the manifestation of my magic.

I have faith and belief in our souls.

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Superheroes

(An homage to parents everywhere)

 

For as long as I remember,

we have been the same.

Hearts beating together,

nothing could make us change

 

Waking up early to play

tag with us on Sundays,

double shifts so we could learn

chess and cricket and the drums,

 

You were

there in sickness and in health,

when all I needed was a friend,

impromptu brunches, still in bed,

teaching not to be misled

 

You are

my superheroes.

 

For as long as I remember,

I was yours, you were mine.

But in fighting my own battles

Have I left you behind?

 

Rushing me before the dawn,

a minute late, and the bus would be gone,

making sure that I was safe,

when I partied on weekends

 

You are

my superheroes.

 

For as long as I remember 

you wouldn't let me feel blue.

My forever wondrous mentors,

here's to you, thank you.

 

 

Slow Hands (Niall Horan Cover)
 

"We should take this back to my place"
That's what she said right to my face
'Cause I want you bad
Yeah, I want you, baby
I've been thinking 'bout it all day
And I hope you feel the same way, yeah
'Cause I want you bad
Yeah, I want you, baby
 

Slow, slow hands
Like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry
No, no chance
That I'm leaving here without you on me
I, I know
Yeah, I already know that there ain't no stoppin'
Your plans and those Slow hands

I just wanna take my time
We could do this, baby, all night, yeah
'Cause I want you bad
Yeah, I want you, baby

Slow, slow hands
Like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry
No, no chance
That I'm leaving here without you on me
I, I know
Yeah, I already know that there ain't no stoppin'
Your plans and those slow hands

Fingertips puttin' on a show
Got me now and I can't say no
Wanna be with you all alone
Take me home, take me home
Fingertips puttin' on a show
Can't you tell that I want you, baby, yeah

Slow hands
Like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry
No, no chance
That I'm leaving here without you on me
I, I know
Yeah, I already know that there ain't no stoppin' your plans and those slow hands

 

 

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Goodbye

(Saying farewell to my old self after going through a transformation in my life, keeping the experiences intact and finally recognizing people who love me and I love)
 

We started out with our edges unfurled.

Now we're standing still over the years.

Like books on shelves by naked windows,

gathering dust all through the years.

 

The people pass, pushing through time.

We watch them go through slitted eyes.

With the morning sun, they seem to die.

Never alive, broken in time.

 

I'm here to say goodbye,

to times that I cannot deny.

I'm going back myself,

running through the empty sky.

 

Convinced that I could never see clear

I mistook you for someone else.

And then you came all rushing back,

I couldn't stop blaming myself.

 

Now we're boats on empty waves

far from shore, where people rest.

With the morning sun, I seem to die.

Buried in, you and your smile.

 

I'm here to say goodbye,

to times that I cannot deny.

I'm going back myself,

running through the empty sky.

I'm here to say goodbye,

to myself from tonight

I'm going into myself,

keeping our love alive.